Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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