My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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