how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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