Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
