I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
