my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
