I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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