Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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