Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
