party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
