i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
