All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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