If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
