Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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