Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
