I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
