watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
