I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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