he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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