Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
