hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
