You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize