God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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