I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
