So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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