I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
