Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
