just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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