I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we made out on top of his cat.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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