Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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