During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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