o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
