I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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