First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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