Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
