it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
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I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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