You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
