gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
