I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Girls should come with a carfax report
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Boobs are out for the taking
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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