i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it's like iHOP with fire
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
