halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
