I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
