thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
