I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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