i think i have two assholes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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