I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
