I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
NoShamevember. You game?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
