her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We had to coat check the pizza.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
