I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
