I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
