Someone shit on the floor
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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