Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
