At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
