I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
