So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
