If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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