sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
