is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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