So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
