Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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