no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
