Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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