I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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